I might as well say it now: The Kinect is bound to cause even more accidents than the Wii. Every parent and homeowner who is thinking of buying the Kinect should think of getting some additional insurance. Remember hearing all those news reports of Wii remotes “magically” flying through the air and into dad’s 50inch LCD? That’s small potatoes compared with the damage we’ll see with the Kinect. With this new device, players are encouraged to use all their limbs to participate in the game, so as you can imagine it’s only going to be a matter of time before we all start hearing reports of crazy accidents like the ones we thought of below.
Kicking babies or Fido
Yup, the kick will be something like this.
Pets and small children beware – your days are numbered. These critters are bound to be attracted to the chaos and commotion of gamers wildly dancing and moving to the game. And with the gamer too focused on fake kung fu fighting, that’s when the baby gets kicked in the face. Luckily, it’s all captured on camera thanks to the Kinect, so at least your winnings from America’s Funniest Home Videos will pay for the doctor/vet visits.
Broken bones or pulled groin muscle
If you are not careful you could slip head first into the coffee table
If you’re planning on getting the Kinect and have hardwood floors be warned. Always wear your shoes. This could still happen even if you were wearing shoes or have carpeting. At any moment during the gaming session you can slip or lose balance resulting in a nasty spill. Or worse, a nasty split when you know full well, your legs were never meant to bend that way unless you were an Olympic athlete. Protect thy bones/boner.
“Bro I swear I was just trying to do the Macarena like the game was telling me”
The average gamer today is above the drinking age, which can only mean one thing if they happen to get their hands on Kinect: drunken party gaming. After pounding a few brewskies with the buddies, one simple slip of a hand movement, and someone gets punched. Next thing you know, the latest episode of Cops shows a horde of gamers being dragged away to the drunk tank for fighting on the neighbor’s lawn at three in the morning.
You’re going to have to be as good as George W. to dodge some flying shoes
The weather man is advising us to bring our umbrellas because it’s going to be raining shoes soon. Sure a shoe flying through the air at 20 miles per hour might not seem to bad, but just think of the objects standing in its path. From windows to picture frames, to that jar of deadly acid you were going to throw away, but didn’t. It’s going to be a shoedown at the OK Corral.
But nothing is more disturbing than…
Knocking over grandma’s urn
“Sorry granny, but that last achievement was kind of worth it”
Yup, that urn full of grandma’s ashes is nearing a destructive end. It’s only a matter of time before the first story shows up of someone knocking over his elder’s ashes because of some flying shoe or out of control breakdancing.
Basically, what we’re all going to realize soon is that no one has those nice spacious living rooms we see in all the Kinect ads, where we can stab, jump, and cartwheel to our hearts content. We’ll also soon realize that our bodies weren’t meant for fake exercise. While we aren’t really fighting a prizefighter in a Kinect boxing game, you can be sure someone is still gonna get knocked out.